Thursday, May 28, 2009

Busy Busy Busy!!!


I spent the better part of last week preparing and having a yard sale with Chris' Aunt Jeri. It was so exhausting but was really fun to be able to hang out with her and Christy. We sold a lot of stuff but still have some to get rid of. I'll probably have one more before we begin our journey to Kansas City and the rest will go to charity.

My sweet Blake graduated from 5th grade on Tuesday. I was so excited but really sad at the same time. Handling those two emotions at the same time is easier said than done! Ashley, Nanny, Christy, Jacob, and Christian came to watch him walk across the stage. This school year started out as a struggle for Blake but he worked really hard (and was grounded a couple of times) and brought his grades up and kept them up. We are all so proud of him. He is turning into a bright young man.

Blake also had a "puberty class" at school last week. This has brought on some really difficult questions that he has been anxious to get answered. Most of them I could answer easily, but some of them left me speechless or searching for the perfect answer for a 10 year old. He told me that the stuff he learned was "just nasty". I hope he keeps this mentality, although I know within a couple of years, I am going to be freaking out about all of these questions he has becoming a reality in our lives. Can't they just stay little forever??

Chris should be home in the next week or so. I am so anxious to get our lives back to normal although I know it is going to be crazy until we get to Kansas City and get settled. Our time apart has been very difficult on all of us, but I am so proud of him for being the best husband and daddy he can be!!!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I am a NONSMOKER

I have been doing research for the last hour or so on quitting smoking, the effects of smoking, and success stories of people who have quit. I am READY to quit. Chris and I have been talking about it for years now. While he was home, he said "We need to quit talking about it and start doing something about it." Every time I light a cigarette I think about this. One of the stories I read said that they started to quit by getting their smoker's story out there. So, here is my story....

I started smoking when I was 15 years old. I remember when I was a kid fussing at my mom for smoking the same way Blake now fusses at me. I remember telling her how gross it was and if it was SOOO bad for her then why did she keep doing it. Little did I know at that time was that I would be in that same position only 20 short years later. I also remember thinking when I started smoking that it was just something teenagers did and it would be a short lived addiction. I told myself that I would quit when I got pregnant with my first child. That was when I was 18. Didn't quit then. So my next goal was when I was 25. Again, didn't quit. I am now 3o and have been smoking for 15 years. That is HALF of my life!!!!!!! I just realized that!!!!!!!!!!!

Smoking for me has become a comfort zone. I smoke when I am stressed, happy, sad, tired, hungry, laughing, crying, driving, talking on the phone, blogging, well, anytime. I feel that cigarettes give me some kind of escape from having to actually be in that moment. I don't really have to feel that overwhelming sadness, or extreme happiness because I can light up and that is where my brain is at that particular moment. That is not fair to me or my family.

Then there are the health effects that I am noticing every day now. My sinuses never seem to clear up. I am always sniffling or coughing. About 4 years ago, one of my fingers went numb all the time. The doctor I went to called it Raynauds, which is basically a blocked artery, from smoking. I now have Pneumonia and just got over an upper respitory infection. Again from smoking. I never wake up refreshed, my chest hurts every morning, and sometimes I can't catch my breath.

I love playing in the yard with the kids but am always having to take breaks. I want to be the mom that I want to be and I honestly think that the only thing that is standing in my way is my addiction to smoking. It has become something that defines me. I don't want to be defined by a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I don't want smoking to be a part of me any more.

I'm not going to lie and say I am not scared to death. Smoking has been a way of life for me for so long. I know I have to quit for the sake of my kids and for my health. Me getting Pneumonia was my wake up call. I know it sounds bad that it takes something like this for me to say, "OK, this is enough".

There is nothing good that has happend to me by being a smoker. And I DO NOT want my kids to become smokers. I want to watch my kids graduate from high school and college, be there when they get married and have their own kids. I know if I continue to smoke the way I do now, I probably won't be able to do that and if I do I will have an oxygen tank in tow.

Chris and I are changing the way we live our lives and I think that this is one place we have to focus on. I have tried to quit several times before and was unsuccessful, but I have never been at this place in my life. I have really never had this lingering feeling like I do now. I know I am ready. I am ready for change, and this is where I intend to start. I WILL be a nonsmoker before we move to Kansas City!

OOPS!

I just realized that I haven't posted a thing since April 30th! Either I've been really busy or really lazy!!! (Maybe a combination of both)

Two weeks is way too far for me to think back so here's what's been going on the last few days......
Chris came home last Thursday night and got to stay until yesterday. It was so nice to spend some time with him without being so rushed like we were during his last visit. We took the kids out Saturday morning. Had breakfast at IHOP then did a little shopping. We decided to go to the Riverwalk in Jenks. Blake hit up the arcade, Lahna and Brayden played on the rock wall and Chris and I enjoyed a couple of beers. It was absolutely a perfect afternoon!! Then Chris and I had a date night Saturday. We really enjoyed spending time together! Sunday was Mother's Day and we all just laid around all day which was a wonderful ending to a wonderful weekend!

Then....Tuesday I started feeling bad again. I had been to the emergency room about 2 weeks ago and they told me I had an upper respitory infection. Anyway, I began running a really high fever and at 4am Chris made me go back to the ER. I now have Pneumonia. I am on strong antibiotics and an inhaler. I am feeling much better today but spent most of the day on the couch. I am hoping to be almost back to normal tomorrow!

Chris left to go back to Kansas City yesterday. This is half way over!!!