I am a NONSMOKER

I have been doing research for the last hour or so on quitting smoking, the effects of smoking, and success stories of people who have quit. I am READY to quit. Chris and I have been talking about it for years now. While he was home, he said "We need to quit talking about it and start doing something about it." Every time I light a cigarette I think about this. One of the stories I read said that they started to quit by getting their smoker's story out there. So, here is my story....

I started smoking when I was 15 years old. I remember when I was a kid fussing at my mom for smoking the same way Blake now fusses at me. I remember telling her how gross it was and if it was SOOO bad for her then why did she keep doing it. Little did I know at that time was that I would be in that same position only 20 short years later. I also remember thinking when I started smoking that it was just something teenagers did and it would be a short lived addiction. I told myself that I would quit when I got pregnant with my first child. That was when I was 18. Didn't quit then. So my next goal was when I was 25. Again, didn't quit. I am now 3o and have been smoking for 15 years. That is HALF of my life!!!!!!! I just realized that!!!!!!!!!!!

Smoking for me has become a comfort zone. I smoke when I am stressed, happy, sad, tired, hungry, laughing, crying, driving, talking on the phone, blogging, well, anytime. I feel that cigarettes give me some kind of escape from having to actually be in that moment. I don't really have to feel that overwhelming sadness, or extreme happiness because I can light up and that is where my brain is at that particular moment. That is not fair to me or my family.

Then there are the health effects that I am noticing every day now. My sinuses never seem to clear up. I am always sniffling or coughing. About 4 years ago, one of my fingers went numb all the time. The doctor I went to called it Raynauds, which is basically a blocked artery, from smoking. I now have Pneumonia and just got over an upper respitory infection. Again from smoking. I never wake up refreshed, my chest hurts every morning, and sometimes I can't catch my breath.

I love playing in the yard with the kids but am always having to take breaks. I want to be the mom that I want to be and I honestly think that the only thing that is standing in my way is my addiction to smoking. It has become something that defines me. I don't want to be defined by a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I don't want smoking to be a part of me any more.

I'm not going to lie and say I am not scared to death. Smoking has been a way of life for me for so long. I know I have to quit for the sake of my kids and for my health. Me getting Pneumonia was my wake up call. I know it sounds bad that it takes something like this for me to say, "OK, this is enough".

There is nothing good that has happend to me by being a smoker. And I DO NOT want my kids to become smokers. I want to watch my kids graduate from high school and college, be there when they get married and have their own kids. I know if I continue to smoke the way I do now, I probably won't be able to do that and if I do I will have an oxygen tank in tow.

Chris and I are changing the way we live our lives and I think that this is one place we have to focus on. I have tried to quit several times before and was unsuccessful, but I have never been at this place in my life. I have really never had this lingering feeling like I do now. I know I am ready. I am ready for change, and this is where I intend to start. I WILL be a nonsmoker before we move to Kansas City!